i am not dead.  just trying to graduate.  that is all for now, more to come!

last night i dreamt something incredibly emotionally vivid, but i cannot for the life of me remember what exactly happened. i just remember i was very anxious the whole time until he arrived and then a wave of relief came over me.

i'm writing a research paper on the cultural impact of opium, and have read a lot of first hand accounts written by opium addicts. i think maybe opium is what it feels like to be dreaming when awake, to lose one's entire sense of reality and consciousness.

i love lists.

things i am going to do in 2006 winter (because i can't think further than one season):

1. rock the miniskirt and black tights look
2. read for pleasure (preferably old mystery novels, yum)
3. fix my hair
4. take my camera with me. everywhere.
5. guitar

6. finish my papers early, study more than i think i need for finals

oh dear. best get a move on.

It's been quite awhile. Again. The thing about this whole journal thing is that it feels at once horribly invasive and horribly narcissistic. I do like writing in it better than doing work, however, so here I am.

Currently, my obsession is the new Harry Potter movie. Besides being my favorite book of the series so far, Goblet of Fire will be amazing simply because it is coming out in the winter. Harry has, and always will be, a holiday thing. The new trailer (attached to Corpse Bride, among others) is quite promising. I'm waiting for showtimes to be announced in the Boston area so I can buy tickets for the first show in the Commons. C'est bon!

As of late, I've also taken to not checking my mail client for days at a time. This is because of my inherently non-confrontational nature. Why face the bombardment of responsibilities today when you can do it tomorrow? I have the sinking feeling that I'm overextending myself, yet I can't bring myself to pull out of any of my extracurriculars because I don't feel my academic work is or will be of a high enough caliber that I will find satisfaction this semester solely based on that.

Meh.

In other news, I need to schedule a physical for, like, this week. Because I just found out my prescription is up and I'm on the last week of it. Not looking forward to this, but the promise of one less thing to worry about for the next 12 months will be most definitely worth it.

i have changed so much and so little. i have won and i have lost. i have learned and i have forgotten.

i still begin most of my sentences with i.

...is the stuff of giants. This past week I've been watching absurd amounts of cable television, among other things. So many movies! Also, obsessed with Le Tour de France. Go Lance!

Friday was spent shopping for Alex's birthday present; bought a wonderful DKNY crisp white with green pinstripe dress shirt. Tagged at $125, got it for a less. Also bought a new Nine West tote bag (black with silver accessories), cashmere turtleneck (chartreuse green), brown wool slacks with lavender silk lining and skinny lavender belt (Kenneth Cole, so pretty but SO out of season), reflective rimless sunglasses with tortoise side pieces (Liz Claiborne), blue silk top with chocolate lace at the neck and hem, lavender Calvin Klein bra, green floral mesh CK low rise boy briefs, and some adorable pink with pastel hemmed CK Choice boy briefs. Oh shopping spree!

I realize that makes me sound terribly high maintenance and superficial, but hey, it was all at a good price and I embarked with the goal of treating myself. Also, I restrained from buying some gorgeous (but not too practical) liquid clothes. So there.

I've been thinking a lot about the college social scene as well. I love partying, dancing, drinking... so how come I'm not doing it at school? Have I outgrown the concept of revelry and hedonism? Or am I just tired with the people? I don't want to drink 40s anymore, I want to drink beautiful cocktails in beautiful high-end bars wearing fancy clothes (and not being worried about random people spilling beer on me). Then again, maybe I'm just being ridiculous and all my fervor for partying will return next year? Or maybe not.

Anyway, more later when I'm less tired and have less work to do tonight...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

Hmm... So true up until the last bit (although I'll be the first to admit that sometimes playing around is fun.

i'm so tired today... i really need to start getting more sleep. it's so frustrating for me to keep going to sleep at 2AM and then not be able to wake up at 6:45 or 7. especially because i love the morning! the fresh, cool air and the quiet streets as i walk to work. maybe i'll nap when i get home from work, and then go for a run.

the run being necessary because i have a GIANT piece of chocolate cake for lunch dessert. the funny thing is that i love having dessert with lunch, but don't really like it for dinner. similarly, i love traditionally "lunch" foods (i.e. sandwiches, soups, salads) more than dinner foods. odd, no?

my, my, my it's been forever. so busy! in lieu of actually trying to put them into a decently flowing paragraph format, the events of the last couple of weeks are going to be presented in list format. (ha. ha. so lazy and tired.)

1. jade empire. given the amount of time i spend in alex's room, it isn't surprising that the xbox and playstation have won me in. but did it have to happen during finals? i'm amazed i pulled off the marks i did considering the amount of time i played (erm, and the considerably larger amount of time i wanted to play and was forcibly torn away from) this game. so much fun! oh, and for anybody who's played or is playing the game, the menage a trois side story (if you're playing a male character) is hilarious and mind-boggling all at once.

nota bien: in our new apartment (see below) we have two xboxes and a huge tv.

2. the apartment is beautiful, although definitely decorated in the style of four male law students (tons of shot glasses, absinthe posters, etc.) aforementioned law students also own the tucker max book. the kitchen and the second bathroom (mine; being the only girl i refuse to share with guys) are also almost brand new: marble counters, fresh tiles, new oven and dishwasher. it's a shame that alex and i are both gone at work during most of the day. (well, maybe not when one thinks about how hot it's been lately during the day. ouch!)

3. work is amazing. without going into the boring technical details, the people are very nice and laid-back, and i adore the building. it's brand new (was just dedicated a week ago) and i have tons of space (desk and lab bench), plus floor-to-ceiling (and it's an extremely high ceiling) windows. plus a j.p. licks opened nearby! mmm... ice cream.

4. which, conveniently, brings me to my next topic. must tone my body this summer! i was sick a lot earlier this year during the winter/spring, and i lost weight. afterwards, i feel that i've overcompensated by using the excuse of "i'm just putting back weight i lost while unhealthy..." too much. i'm a size 26 in jeans, but given my height (5'3") and previous weight (last year) i really should be a 25 (or at least a looser 26). now, don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining or whining. it's just that i really should be that size and weight and i've just spoilt myself too much.

5. also, so far this summer i've bought two ella moss tops online, one button down central park (blue and pale yellow stripes) shirt from jasmine sola, and one sweet pea top (meshy and very sweet) from jasmine sola. i'm considered getting an alice&olivia cashmere sweater from bluefly.com, too, but i realize that it's completely out of season. it's just that i adore and covet those sweaters... but having it and not being able to wear it will be terrible. other than that, i bought a pair of sevens: dark new york wash in the dojo style (wider leg with triple-stripe back pockets). i'm planning to take them to be altered a few inches this week. i'm also eyeing the classic bootcut sevens...

well, i'm sure there's more but really i'm braindead and too in love with summer to remember things like details. so i'll edit as it comes to me.

ta and kisses!

two to go. Not that I'm actually studying for them or anything. Jade Empire is much too fun for it to be just sitting around... if you have an xbox, I highly recommend it. Very fun.

I suppose I should start reading for my second biology final. Oh dear. It's a shame that I can't spend more time studying for my class on the mideival europe... the readings are so very interesting, but so very long. Sigh. One more week until I'm back in sunny Southern California, at least. Hooray!

Why is it that I only ever update livejournal when I should be doing things like, say, studying for finals or packing for move-out? Perplexing.

New colors and icon in honor of my favorite Squaresoft girls. Prettification in lieu of any posts of actual substance for now. (So braindead! And so much neurobiology to learn! Woe!)

...so...much...work....

and herein begins my night of writing two papers, preparing a presentation, and watching a lecture video.

booyah.

Sweetness. New digital camera.

I also got a 512 mb memory card for only $30, too.

Granted, it's not a SLR or a Nikon D70 (mmm...), but it does have lovely picture quality and it's very portable. Meaning, lots of pictures to come in the next two weeks! Which is so welcome because I have taken hardly any pictures in the last year or so, and since my sister has the same camera it'll be a breeze to exchange photos and accessories, etc. I can't wait for it to get here.

Also... some prettyness. It's sad they closed the actualy store, though. Over the summer, I lived just one block down from it. The new stuff they have is much better. I absolutely love the Amy Brown skirts, too. Too bad they're terrible expensive... if I'm going to spend that kind of money it should really be on something I need/would use more than that.

Hah, seems like to make up for not really having anything special to say lately I'm posting links to places where I idle my time away. Idleness is great, isn't it?

It's certainly been awhile.

Keeping journals updated has always been hard for me. Maybe it's because I feel like so little I do is worthy of recounting, recording, reliving. It's not that I feel that I'm a dull person, or that I in any way lead a dull life, it's just that I'm a student, and by necessity this means that a lot of what I do is... studying. And given that I live at my college, much of my life is repetition. A nice, comforting sort of repetition, but one that makes writing a daily account somewhat difficult.

I have, as of late, discovered a new, expensive vice. Riccardi. Newbery Street... oh dear! Ted, having transferred from Cornell this spring, is a terrible, horrible, absolutely-no-good influence on me. Our excessive spending habits tend to negatively reinforce one another. ("It's so pretty!" "Oh look, Etru shirts!" etc.) Perhaps I'll treat myself to one item after this week, which consists of one midterm, one report, one paper, and one presentation, are over. And then no more until after finals! I promise!

Speaking of which, ironic that I decide to write an entry the day before a huge cell biology midterm! Eeks. Biology always sounds like such a fluff subject to me, but I promise it isn't... at least not at my current school. It can, in fact, be a little much at times. (Cytokine receptors? SMADs? SNARES? erm, what???)

And on another sciency note, yay for my lab position this summer! I'm working with Dr. Rosen at the HDSM Research labs, doing developmental stuff with BMPs. Doesn't that sound exciting and so scientific to you, too? (note: I"m just as confused.)

And finally... something that I covet, but is far and away out of my grasp.

So farewell until another half-year has gone by!

So tired lately, but, paradoxically, it seems like this exhaustion is a direct result of having nothing to do as of late. The past two weeks have consisted of the most dull grad. school library job ever, wherein I pretty much read one book a day and complete ridiculous amounts of knitting. (Ooo, sidenote: am working on a very, very pretty coral colored summer top.) GAH! Wait, can I say that again? GAH!!!

Really, I think I just need something, anything to do with my time. I love being preoccupied. I love having things to do that make me feel productive... and believe me, sitting in a perfectly silent room all day trying to amuse oneself while at a desk does little for one's productivity level.

Also, in other news, I don't have my laptop for another week! My beautiful, sleek, silver Apple... gone, gone, gone. If you haven't heard already, I had a nasty nasty case of white spots on the monitor that required it be sent back to Apple to get well. So very tragic. I cry.

But at any rate, I can't wait for summer semester to start. Thank goodness for intensive languages. How much fun will that be? Also, I have yet to think about changing concentrations (read: majors) and the like. Future, what?

And finally, no computer = no writing fluffy fluff. Or, smutty smut. Which do you prefer? Hrm. It's a tough call, I say. Although before the tragic loss of The Laptop I was working on a Remus story. I must admit that I was wholeheartedly disappointed, by the way, with the choice of actor to play Remus in the movie. I guess I always imagined him as... skinnier, lankier, more (for lack of a better word, and really, I bed you to forgive my complete lack of eloquence here) wolfish. Oh, and of fairer coloring. Am I making these things up? Maybe... I've been known to do that.

At any rate, cross your fingers that these doldrums are over soon, hm?